In this modern age, a growing number of individuals are rejecting the notion that they are strictly male or female. Instead, they identify as non-binary.
Who decides your gender? Read how modern woman Josie Cuanan shares her journey and struggles in rejecting the binary.
Do you recall the day you came out? Can you take me back to that moment?
Josie: Yeah, I remember it very vividly. Back then, I was running a YouTube channel. One day, I was in my room, making a video, and I was planning to create a coming-out video. I had shot it many times. I didn’t want the people in the house to hear what I was recording, but eventually, I just came out via YouTube. I uploaded the video, posted it, and even reposted it on my Facebook.
That’s how I came out to the world. As for my family, I only ever came out to my mom. She was in New Zealand at the time. I just messaged her on Messenger and told her everything from start to finish. I even posted our conversation in one of my blogs since I was also writing back then. I was initially very sad about how she responded, but I think she has slowly come to terms with it in her own way.
Aside from your mom, were there any challenges when you came out?
Josie: I think my biggest challenge was feeling like I wouldn’t be fully accepted, especially by my family, since they’re Catholic and follow the Bible. But after I posted that video, one of my aunts was really supportive. She started using my pronouns and calling me by my preferred name.
In school, one of my biggest challenges was my name. It’s long and very masculine. There were a lot of struggles, but then I met Lee, a law student who was also trans. Seeing her live her truth while being in law school really pushed me to transition while I was still in college instead of putting it off. That was one of my biggest fears—going through everything alone and not knowing what to do.
After I graduated, I found a close group of friends at work who guided and mentored me. They really helped, especially since hormone replacement therapy in the Philippines isn’t common, and finding doctors for it is difficult. They taught me what to do and what to avoid.
How would you explain to someone who doesn’t understand what trans women are?
Josie: I definitely see a lot of misunderstandings online, maybe even in person and within my own family. Aside from my sisters and parents, there’s one person in my family who is completely against it. The rest have been accepting—not just tolerant, but genuinely accepting. That’s a big difference.
What I tell people is, “We’re in a different generation, a different era. We’re not redefining womanhood—we’re defining it on our own terms. Our womanhood is constantly being challenged—sexually, psychologically, and socially.”
It’s not about what’s between our legs. It’s about what’s in our hearts. That’s what defines who we are. We don’t have to fit into a binary. Gender is fluid, and every identity is valid.
What is one issue queer individuals are currently facing that you’ve personally experienced?
Josie: First, there are still no laws protecting us—the anti-discrimination bill hasn’t been passed. Second, we’re not allowed to change our names and gender markers on legal documents.
It’s such a hassle to go through everyday life and process documents, only to see your dead name and the wrong gender. It’s disheartening to get weird looks from people—because I look very feminine, yet my documents show a masculine name that doesn’t reflect who I am.
I’m not ashamed of being trans. I just don’t want to constantly be outed against my will. It makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. But as time passes, as a trans woman in this country—or even as a queer person in general—you just brush it off and say, “It is what it is.”
How did you gain the confidence to step up and speak up for yourself?
Josie: My confidence grew over time. I’m naturally a shy and introverted person. Whenever I have to go out or speak in front of a crowd, I have to dig deep and fake it till I make it.
Honestly, I’m not confident all the time. But when I need to be, I put in the effort—even though it’s draining. You just have to do what you have to do.
Some people don’t fully understand that a trans woman is a woman. How would you explain it in a way they could better understand?
Josie: That’s not really a huge issue for Gen Z. They’re very open to new identities and change. The real challenge is with older generations who struggle to understand.
To keep it simple, I’d say, “I am who I am. I don’t question who you are, so don’t question who I am.”
If you keep trying to justify yourself to people who don’t want to understand, it becomes exhausting. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
What would you say to other women facing the same struggles as you?
Josie: Just be yourself and be empathetic. At the end of the day, we never truly know what others are going through—the hardships they endure, the emotions they bottle up.
It doesn’t cost us anything to be kind and understanding.
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This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.